What happens in Facebook, stays in Facebook

This is not just another Facebook-related post… Oh, yes it is. But don’t worry, I won’t dwell on the obvious and highly overused side of Facebook this time (I hope). I promise not to bore you since this post is rooted from a juicy, controversial Facebook conversation (which you’ll be curious I guess because I am actually fighting with someone! Haha!) I just realized how many times I mentioned Facebook. Gah. Now, here goes.

Friends in Facebook, strangers in real life.

When I see a friend request from a person I know, but not really friends with nor acquainted with, I always say “Ina-add ako nito sa Facebook, e pag nakikita ko ‘to hindi naman ako pinapansin.” So, I click Ignore. (Although sometimes I can’t help but be polite and accept the request. You’ll see later on why I should have just chosen to be impolite.) Worse, if I see friend requests from people I really do not know, here’s what I say:

Who the hell are these people? I don't recognize them. The names don't really ring a bell! And we have mutual friends, oh my god.

Sometimes I even think that just because you saw this person in your peripheral vision, found out that person’s on Facebook, you’d go adding him/her up. Which I think is crazy because that person don’t even recognize you for crying out loud.

Yeah, yeah I know ‘that’s why it’s called  social networking’

We use Facebook to build networks, yes. We add people up so we can build this network we’re talking about. I can see that. But my point here is, how can you call it a network if the connection is merely grounded on Facebook? What if you don’t even get to mingle with this person, personally? Or if even within Facebook, you are not in speaking terms? It is not so much of a useful network if it is composed of passive, non-interactive contacts. You’re just one more name added to my friends list and that’s it. What good could I make out of you if our relationship ends there?

It’s not that I’m a user in disguise, no. But let’s face it, we make contacts, build networks because we assume that in the future we might need this or that person’s skills, services, contacts or what have you. And Facebook should just be an instrument to that, like a stepping stone to build up the relationship. You should still go out there,  go offline and go meet that contact. Or if you prefer an online relationship, you should at least interact with each other. Go comment on that post, or just ‘like’ it. Just so you know you are both existing in each other’s world. Facebook should be the means to an end and not the end itself. (Most of us, orcom majors, know this but just in case the people I’m trying to enlighten happen to pass by this blog, he/she now knows!)

This is why I wish I should not have been polite

This phenomenon wasn’t annoying me just yet for me to blog about it until one simple Facebook comment conversation I made with a person whom I thought considers me as a friend or acquaintance already (since we already met in person, occasionally laughing at the jokes of the other, and he was the one who added me on Facebook) got offended with a very stupid, nonsensical, malicious-free, no strings attached,  joke that I made.

Since I can’t find the post anymore, (probably he deleted it) I’ll just tell you the story. I commented on his post that contained an update that has something to do with Friendster. So for enjoyment sakes, I commented “uhuhhuuuuyyy, nagfefriendster ka pa pala!” His reply didn’t contain any hint of offense or anything so I didn’t know he was feeling otherwise. So I just continued on speaking like a stupid kid, using remarks such as “ang baduy naman.” And that was not pertaining to him but to someone else! We were talking about another person, FYI.

Poor Friendster, the mere mention of you humiliates people.

The next day, a very reliable source (his roommate, my best friend, the person we were actually talking about and the person I’m pertaining to as baduy) told me not to talk to this guy again, ever. Since they were having a drinking session the other night, the person spilled the beans. He told my best friend that I shouldn’t talk to him like that, because “hindi kami close” he even said “kung anu-ano sinabi sakin”. My comment, ‘allegedly’ humiliated him. Hey you, mister! I was just being polite! I was trying to explain to you those remarks I made which you didn’t understand! Is it my fault that you’re kind of slow? (loading…..)

In connection to what I’m saying

This is why I don’t want to accept friend requests from strangers, literally and metaphorically. Because it’s either they’re just people who won’t even bother to look at you when they see you personally or like that guy in my story who doesn’t really consider you as a friend and believes that your  friendship in Facebook are just all in name.

So, if this is what you call networking, just accepting friend requests from or adding up random people so you could have like 4000+ contacts (that you’ll have to make another account and add the same people, STUPID), thank you, but no, thank you! I’d rather filter my contacts and build a small but reliable network which I can really turn to when I’m in need. Just like this:

And more. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

About Marj Casal

Maria Angelica Nepomuceno Casal is a student of the University of the Philippines Manila and this blog is created as part of the requirements of my OC152 class. And might as well be a long term hobby.
This entry was posted in For OC152 and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to What happens in Facebook, stays in Facebook

  1. xydc says:

    i love it marj! :)) ang benta mo! i love that “poor friendster” pic! anyway, i also do not accept invites from people who i do not know at all. just because we have mutual friends does not mean that we should be friends, as well. it’s not that they are being “friendly” at all. i must say these people are “jejemonic” (San Pedro, 2010). i think this is one reason why friendster fell to its demise. some of its members add people who has no connection with them at all; and it’s just because the person’s primary pic is pretty or handsome. and civilized netizens are scared of that so they left friendster. social networking sites become misused by people who are not fully aware that these sites are a means to an end and not an end in itself. and here we are, orcom majors, to let them know of that fact. hail, hail, the creaturesque! 😀

    • Marj Casal says:

      yey xy! ang aga magcomment! hehe. thanks, thanks. and you’re right, we are civilized netizens slash orcom majors so we really know the drill in building a network — that it doesn’t depend on how many people are in it but on how useful, better yet powerful these contacts are! 🙂

  2. kitsatwork says:

    Hello Marj! O:) Kim and I were talking about this just yesterday. I told her that I don’t like it when people pretend to be a certain kind of person on Facebook, even on SMS. (I also hate it when someone you know –not know of– knows you, adds you on Facebook, but then ignores you. Is it that hard to say Hi? To nod? To smile?) Point 1: Choose quality over quantity. 🙂 It’s not so bad to have a small circle of trusted friends or contacts. But at the same time, it’s also good to expand your network. Point 2: Communication is a two-way street. If the other person ignores you, you can always be the first to say Hi. 🙂 Hope I made sense O:)

  3. commania says:

    Hi Marj! 🙂 What a cute post. 😀

    I just can’t imagine the angelic-looking Marj actually doing the complaining and the bragging in person.

    Social networking is indeed not based on quantity, but it’s all about the quality of the contacts whom you keep in touch with. As OrCom majors, we have to be very critical with this. We should be able to build relationship with the people around us. But it’s not just about building connections that we might appear as users on one side. Let us do all that “networking thing” in a sincere manner. We make friends because we really want to make friends and not because we want to get something out of those people. We build relationships with certain people not just because we know they are good and they could be of advantage to us. 🙂 It’ll be a lot frustrating to know that certain people make friends with us just because they need something from us. Yes, they can be part of our social networks, but come times of difficulties, looking for them would not that be easy. Aww. Hehehe. 😀 😀 😀

  4. So many thought entered my mind when I read this: “Friends in Facebook, strangers in real life.”

    It’s so ironic. Facebook and all the other social networking sites were built for the purpose of making connections with different people. Yes, strangers included! But how can you actually be friends with someone that you barely know? At this time, I have 40+ pending invites on Facebook from people I really don’t know. Well, some of them were graduates of my highschool but are not acquaintances.

    My point is, “online relationships” are built upon from “realtime relationships.” You’d quickly accept a friend in Facebook because he/she is a blockmate or a neighbor. 🙂

  5. Gel says:

    I think we need to revamp the “social networking” concept itself. Maybe it should be just “online networking”? Since not all of us are really FRIENDS offline, and the networking part does not really make SNS social. 😉

  6. KC says:

    Yo, Marj! I can remember that we met through Friendster (yihee!), and even before we see each other, we already know that we will be block mates. I consider that as one of the perks of Social Media.

    LIke you, I also don’t get the point of adding up random people for the simple reason that “you want to expand your network”. For me, adding up a lot of “friends” that I don’t really know just makes me more vulnerable to cyber crimes. We may never know.

    PS. Your kwento showed everyone that you are also capable of getting angry. But I can imagine you, you’re still smiling even while you rant. 😛

  7. Yes, sending a friend request to some stranger or accepting from one is nonsense. Facebook and such are used to maintain your relationships with people you really really know (personal or professional relationships).

    OK maybe you added a person because you do business with him or her, buying accessories. But talking to him or her, joking around or sharing personal info about you is not a good idea. It’s already hard to communicate without misunderstanding with your real friends online (I experience that all the time), how much more with strangers? And come on, we all know it’s dangerous to talk to strangers. By the way, when I say strangers I also mean the people you know but not really friends with.

    So if you’re not really friends with a person, and you don’t do business together, what’s the point of adding him or her? It’s impossible to start a true and good relationship online.

    “You should still go out there, go offline and go meet that contact.”

  8. Rhea Lorenzo says:

    One of the reasons why I don’t accept friend requests from strangers is the fact that I really don’t think I would find anything in common with that person particularly since we have never met. One of the reasons why I hide Facebook friends who I am not much acquainted with is because I really am not the kind who would go out of my way to say hi to an acquaintance and besides, I really would prefer to just check posts of my close friends. 😀

    I love your post and I sympathize with the misunderstanding you had with that guy.. 😦

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